I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
