I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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