I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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