Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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