My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this just has baby written all over it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
