I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
