This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
