he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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