how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
