More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize