im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
