yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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