I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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