so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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