Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
