I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
