i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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