I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize