my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
