so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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