You really coming over, don't trick.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
