i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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