oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize