You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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