i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
