she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
