i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
