Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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