I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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