Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
