my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
