DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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