why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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