How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
