24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
