Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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