its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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