"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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