He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
