did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize