Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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