The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the raccoons are back...
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