he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
