So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
