I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
