When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
