dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
