The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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