I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
