is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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