All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
