tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
