I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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