the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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