I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
