this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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