Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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