I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
