the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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