I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
