How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
