While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
