Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
