Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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