It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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