i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
