my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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