i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
