that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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