so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
